Breaking the Silence: What to Say When Your Loved One Has a Mental Illness

Far too often, people with mental illness feel that they must hide what they are experiencing for fear of making others uncomfortable. By honestly asking how someone is feeling, you can create a space for them to verbalize their feelings in which they will feel safe and supported. Simply being able to express their thoughts, fears, anxieties, and concerns can be deeply relieving and serve to strengthen their understanding of themselves and your understanding of their situation.

Trying to relate your own experiences to those of a person struggling with a mental health disorder is a natural and normal thing to do; it’s how humans try to make sense of others’ experiences and find connections to the unfamiliar. Often it is tempting to tell someone that you understanding what they are going through. But however well-intentioned, the fact is, unless you too struggle with mental illness, you don’t know what it’s like and such a statement can be interpreted as minimizing what someone is going through.

Mental illness can often leave people with significant unmet emotional and practical needs and their actual needs may be quite different than what you would expect. The best way to both let someone know you care about them and help them in a way that is meaningful to them is to ask what they need. Whether they just want someone to listen, some company to combat loneliness, or help with everyday activities compromised by their illness, like grocery shopping or walking their dog, even the most seemingly simple things can make a big difference. Keep in mind that these needs may vary over time as symptoms and the severity of the illness change, so keep asking.

Hope is often one of the first things to go when mental illness strikes and many people believe they will never feel okay again. Even if glimmers of hope exist, the road to recovery may be long and the journey can feel exhausting. By expressing your own faith that they will regain stability and joy, you are reminding them of your own trust in their resiliency, abilities, and resourcefulness, as well as the possibilities of treatment and, in doing so, you may begin to rekindle their own sense of hope. Simply having someone else believe in you can be an incredibly powerful thing.

It is common for people who are struggling with psychological distress to feel that they are no longer wanted by or valuable to others, particularly if their illness has weakened social connections and led to isolation. The functional limitations and emotional disturbances resulting from many mental health disorders can cause many people to see themselves as burdens and liabilities, even and perhaps especially to those closest to them, deteriorating their confidence and self-esteem. Make sure they know that they are important to you; they are loved and cherished and having a mental illness doesn’t change that fact. Let them know how having them in your life brings you richness and joy and that you will be there for them through this illness. While it may be hard for them to consciously recognize their own value, your support can help.