Dating Someone with Complex PTSD: Healing and Growing With Your Partner

Traumatic events are never easy, and the coping period after a traumatic experience is painful and difficult. Both our bodies and minds try to regain their balance as we attempt to move forward and continue our lives. But for those with PTSD, this period never quite ends. The lingering effects of trauma lead to hyperarousal, the re-living or traumatic memories, and negative changes in feelings and beliefs.

And when this trauma repeats itself, such as in the case of repeated personal victimization, the traditional PTSD symptoms began to develop into something even more deep-rooted. These situations are classified as complex PTSD.

Common symptoms of complex PTSD are:

• Difficulty with emotional regulation
• Dissociation
• Negative self-perception
• Trouble relating to others
• Distorted views of the perpetrator of the trauma
• Loss of faith or hope

These are problematic symptoms in any situation, but in the context of a relationship, they can be even more destructive. You might feel like your partner is drifting away, isolating themselves from their support systems and sinking further down into their negative emotions and memories. Even when you reach out, they might react in an extremely emotional manner, and may become overly critical of themselves or your relationship.

Given the deep-rooted nature of trauma, especially in the case of complex PTSD, it can be nearly impossible to overcome these relationship struggles without professional help. Your attempts to break through to them might be rooted in good intentions, but you might be doing more harm than good by fueling their insecurities and desire for isolation. For this reason, a professional treatment program is necessary, both for your partner’s mental well-being and for the health of your relationship.

Isolation, heightened emotional responses, and negative self-perception—these are all common ways that PTSD can manifest in a person, and all of these symptoms can cause damage to a relationship. However, with the right treatment, both you and your loved one will be able to address these issues in a healthy way.

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is one way that people struggling with PTSD can relieve themselves of the distress attached to their trauma. Through carefully guided therapy, they learn to focus on both their internal memories and external stimuli, creating new positive associations that draw the attention away from negative emotions and loosen the grip that they have on their psyche. These benefits will help them focus on engaging positive emotions and relationships.
• Support groups and networks can help your loved one break out of the pattern of isolation that their PTSD constantly pushes them into. During treatment, they will learn how to identify, use, and sustain support networks. These are invaluable skills that will help them better integrate into the world and engage in personal relationships in a way that is healthy for them and everyone involved.
• Holistic therapies like yoga can help promote the grounded sense of control and body awareness that is so beneficial for PTSD recovery. Many people think of it as a way to de-stress, but for a loved one with complex PTSD, it’s so much more—it will help them develop a sense of strength and establish a positive relationship with their body. And in order to establish a healthy, positive relationship with another person, you need to be able to create one with yourself.

By addressing the driving forces of complex PTSD, treatment can help your partner learn to cope with their struggle in a positive way that promotes personal growth. And with so many options for support through family and couples therapy, you will be able to contribute to this growth both in your partner and yourself.