6 Tips for Helping Your Spouse with Social Anxiety

One of the most important things you can do to help your spouse overcome social anxiety is to get them into treatment. Professional treatment for social anxiety disorder can help them learn coping mechanisms for better handling social situations; it will help them reframe social events in a more positive way. Treatment will also guide them to analyze their negative feelings and behaviors and make positive changes.

For social anxiety, treatment is largely focused on individual behavioral therapy. Your spouse may benefit from medications, including antidepressants. Support groups and group therapy are also useful in treating this condition and provide a way to practice socializing in a safe setting.

With any mental illness, being able to open up about social anxiety and how it feels is important. Let your spouse talk about their feelings openly and honestly and be a patient, non-judgmental listener. Avoid trying to be rational or to fix their issues. Your spouse knows that their feelings are not rational. They don’t need you to reason with them or come up with a solution. You just need to listen and take their feelings seriously.

Saying things like, “Just get over it and pull yourself together,” “Nobody is looking at you, so stop worrying,” or “How can this party with our closest friends possibly scare you?” is not helpful. Instead, say things that are understanding and supportive: “I know you don’t like to feel this way and can’t control it,” “I’ll be here to support you,” or “Take your time.” These kinds of comments acknowledge your spouse’s feelings and the fact that you are there to help.

There is a fine line here that you shouldn’t cross, but avoiding all social situations is neither healthy nor productive for your spouse. You have to be the force that gets them to leave the comfort of home and take chances out in the world and with other people. If your partner is in treatment, they should be learning some coping mechanisms they can use before heading into a social situation. Try them together to be supportive.

When encouraging your loved one to step out of their comfort zone and be social, do so in a positive manner. Don’t badger or bully. Instead, you want to encourage and support: get excited about going out; talk about the aspect of the event your spouse will enjoy and should look forward to; discuss the strategies your partner has learned in therapy for getting more comfortable at social events and how these will help make it easier.

When you do convince your spouse to participate in a social event, take steps to make it more comfortable for them. This may mean hosting the event at your home, planning something with just one or two close friends, or practicing potential social interactions ahead of time. Another helpful strategy for making events easier to handle for someone with social anxiety is to plan distractions. An open-ended party causes a lot of fear, but one at which everyone will be watching a movie or playing board games is a little easier to take.

Something your spouse will learn in therapy is how to recognize, analyze, and challenge negative, unproductive thoughts. You can support this to help them make more progress. For instance, in advance of a social situation, ask your partner to tell you what their thinking and feeling.

They might say they are afraid to go because they are worried other people will notice how anxious and fearful they are. Challenge that idea by pointing out that most people focus more on themselves than on others. Talk about the fact that the people you’re meeting up with are friends, and that even if they see the anxiety, they won’t think less of their friend.