In Sickness and Health: Dating with Depression

Your mental health status is not a warning label you are obligated to display before anyone approaches you. Disclosure of your mental health disorder should come only when you feel comfortable sharing it, at your own pace, and in the way that makes sense for you. Depression may be an important part of your experience, but it does not define you, and the role it plays in the process of an evolving romantic relationship is for you to decide. Of course, sometimes depressive symptoms arrive uninvited and can affect your ability to function in your day-to-day life, including your ability to maintain a healthy, loving relationship. In these cases, it may be prudent to advise your partner of what is going on with you, so they have a clear picture of your situation and what is causing your behavior–as well as giving them the opportunity to support you. As mainstream awareness of mental health disorders increases, people may already be more educated and receptive than you expect.

It is important to let your partner know that they are not responsible for your depression. Mental health disorders are medical conditions, and your feelings aren’t the result of your partner’s actions. However, social connections can be vital to your ability to process your emotions, and giving your partner the tools to provide meaningful support can help you establish healthy relationship habits. A dating relationship can help get you out of the house, minimize social isolation, and give you a safe space to express your feelings. Let your partner know when they should push you through depressive symptoms and encourage you to participate in activities that are difficult for you. Having a cheerleader in your corner can ease reintegration with the world around you and give you an important ally in your daily struggles. At the same time, make sure they know when you are overwhelmed, need time alone, or your depressive episode is too severe to engage in your normal activities. Your boundaries must always be respected.

Depression and medication can both lower your sex drive and inhibit your ability to enjoy sex. Talk to your doctor about treatment options that will allow you to experience a fulfilling sex life, including medications that are less likely to interfere with your libido. At the same time, an open conversation with your partner can help you find ways of enjoying each other by working around any sexual limitation and providing reassurance that these issues are not the result of shortcomings in your relationship. You can explore alternative ways of showing affection and experiencing intimacy that help you connect with your partner as you work to regain emotional stability and sexual function.